"What are you in for?" תהנו!
"Something I did NOT do!"
" Sooo... you're innocent? what did you not do?"
"...... I DIDN'T run fast enough!"
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
A hunter dials 911 and says, "I just shot at something that I thought was a deer but it was another hunter. I'm afraid I just killed him."
The operator says, "It's OK sir, it may not be as bad as you think. First, make sure he's really dead."
The guy says OK and sets down the phone. Then the operator hears a gunshot. He picks up the phone and says, "OK, now what?"
A blonde, brunette and a red head are walking.
Brunette: I think we're lost.
Red Head: Yeah.
Blonde: Look! An old house!
The girls go inside.
Red Head: Look, a bottle!
Brunette: Let's open it!
The Blonde opens the bottle. A genie appears.
Genie: You each get one wish.
Brunette: I wish I was home. (SHE'S TAKEN HOME)
Red Head: I wish I was home. (SHE IS TAKEN HOME)
Blonde: I wish my friends were here with me.
You and your friend are walking along a road and you see a lamp on the ground. You pick it up and a genie comes out. He says, "I will grant you three wishes, but whatever you wish for your friend gets twice as much as you."
You say "OK" and your first wish is for $10,000,000.
The genie says, "You know your friend is gonna get twice as much?"
You say "I know." Your next wish is for a 50,000 ft. yacht.
The genie says "You know your friend is gonna get twice as much?"
You say "I know." Your last wish is for getting beaten half to death and the genie says, "You know your friend's gonna get twice as much as you?"
You say "I know."
Top Ten signs that a redneck has been working on your computer
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Huntin".
4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.
3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".
A little boy walks into his pre school class and he asks the teacher is he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says, " I will let you go if you recite your ABC`s"
The boy says"ok" and he begans. "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXY and Z"
The teacher asks him," What happened to the P?"
The little boy replies"It's Running down my pants!"
An atom walks into a bar, gets wasted. As he's leaving, he slaps his pockets and says, "Darn, I've lost an electron".
The bartender said "Are you sure?"
So the atom says, "I'm positive."